Ifoundme45's Weblog

Is it really ok to celebrate death?

Meagan Hawkins — Mon, 02 May 2011 03:26:43 +0000

I am sitting in my room, kind of shocked. Osama Bin Laden is dead. It has been almost ten years since 9/11/01.

I remember where I was when the twin towers were attacked. I was in 6th grade in band class. I remember fear being the prevalent emotion that day. I was so young, and could not grasp the severity of what had happened.

Over the past years my uncle has been deployed, along with countless others, to fight the war on terrorism at least seven time. Each time he leaves, I spend 6 months worrying about him and praying for him. I know what he does, and I am so thankful for that.

I guess when war is an entire ocean away it still isn’t really real, but right now sitting in my room reading tweets, facebook post, and watching the news it is real. A man is dead, and yet there is celebration?

I love my uncle and what he and the others do for my country. I love America. I love that I am free to worship anyway I wish and say the things I need to say. There is really no other country like it. but I do not like to celebrate death. I do not think that is how it is supposed to be.

I hope this is the end of the war. I hope that every single troop member comes home. I pray that Jesus brings peace and hope to those broken by this war.

I am not saying I am anti war or I do not support our troops do not put words in my mouth, but I am asking is it really ok to celebrate death?

Looking forward to tomorrow

Meagan Hawkins — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 05:21:16 +0000

I live in the past. It binds me, put chains on me, and enslaves me sometimes. I let my own thoughts become full-out battles every day.

God has challenged me to stop this negative behavior. A few weeks ago a meditation guy came to one of my classes. I immediately dismissed him because I am not one to sit and be still, but he said something that I have not been able to shake. He told us simply that what has happened is done. We can’t change it. No matter how much energy and time we put into, we cannot change it.

I have the present. I have right now. I am going to have to actively start recognizing the moments that God is giving me right now.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This gives me hope. Hope for a happier life with fewer battles in my mind. God’s got this. Just like always

He’s stirring up unrest among the people with his teaching, disturbing the peace everywhere

Meagan Hawkins — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 02:36:47 +0000

Tonight was Revolution Church’s Easter Egg hunt. It was absolutely amazing. I have never seen a more perfect picture of Jesus’ love. Anyone that you could imagine was there. I feel blessed that I was able to be apart of it. I was talking with my pastor after it was over about how amazed I was by it all. We started to talk about how Gastonia is really getting shook up in a way that it hasn’t been done before.

Our church body is not about conformity or being comfortable. It is about challenges and being uncomfortable. I was reading in Luke 23 tonight and came across what was being said about Jesus right before he was crucified.

Luke 23 (the message)
1-2Then they all took Jesus to Pilate and began to bring up charges against him. They said, “We found this man undermining our law and order, forbidding taxes to be paid to Caesar, setting himself up as Messiah-King.” 3Pilate asked him, “Is this true that you’re ‘King of the Jews’?” “Those are your words, not mine,” Jesus replied. 4Pilate told the high priests and the accompanying crowd, “I find nothing wrong here. He seems harmless enough to me.”

5But they were vehement. “He’s stirring up unrest among the people with his teaching, disturbing the peace everywhere, starting in Galilee and now all through Judea. He’s a dangerous man, endangering the peace.” http://ifoundme45.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post-new.php

That is what they were saying about Jesus. Jesus went in and made a scene. He stood up for what he believed. He did not conform. He did not get comfortable. He did not wear dress pants and a tie to church. He was not a hypocrite.

So where in the world did people get the idea that it was ok to go to church with the same people Sunday and Wednesday and never reach out to the lost and the broken? Christianity is not just for Christians, so stop acting like it is.

YOU MUST WATCH THIS

Meagan Hawkins — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 00:11:50 +0000

Watch it.That is all

Reptar is a bed hog

Meagan Hawkins — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 03:23:02 +0000

It is hard to believe, but my sweet adorable tiny puppy is a bed hog. He weighs five pounds and is the size of a small stuffed animal, but he is the first to push you to the edge of the bed and make you incredibly hot. I finally gave him his own pillow and sheet on my bed to get him off of me at night.

Now that I got that out there I feel much better. Which is something that God has been reteaching me lately, not that my dog is a bed hog. I have got to start being completely honest with everyone. It will make my life, and most of the people surrounding will probably get better feedback/comments/whatever you want to call it from me. I am tired of just telling people what they want to hear. I want to be honest. Not in a mean way, but in a way that validates people and makes them feel like I genuinely care about their well being.

Anyway, I am not really sure where that came from….just wanted to get that out there. I am going through some spiritual changes right now, for the better. I hate change, but I am trying to embrace this fully.

so tired

Meagan Hawkins — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 03:48:58 +0000

I really want to blog but I am so tired so here is what I want to say in twitter version

God has to prune you in order for there to be new life.

I am moving in with Sally this summer and cannot wait.

I did something good for myself and quit my job.

School is overwhelming but I know that I am exactly where God wants me to be.

I would really like to elaborate but i’m just soooo….zzzzz.

Same stuff, just a different day

Meagan Hawkins — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 02:55:32 +0000

I just spent the last 20 minutes reading my blogs from the past few years (there aren’t that many because I am not very consistent in my blogging…hence the resolution to blog more often) and I realized something almost scary. They still relate to me right now and not in a good way. There are still some of the same problems that I was having a year ago, two years ago that I am having right now. It was like God reminding me of lessons that I have forgotten. Am I really going to make Him teach me these things over and over again?

My word for 2011 is new. I want new things this year. I want new joys and new struggles. I want new lessons now the same things over and over again. I am deciding right now that I will not live in the past. I am going to have a new day every day and embrace what that truly means, but I don’t know what that means. I will let you know when I get there

Insomnia

Meagan Hawkins — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 06:13:14 +0000

Insomnia is difficulty getting to sleep or staying asleep, or having non refreshing sleep for at least 1 month.
(thanks dictionary.com)

That is definitely my life story. I was asleep but woke up and now I don’t think I am going to bed anytime soon…soooo I might as well be productive

First of all I would like for everyone to know that my gym is a hotspot for look a likes. I have seen the craigslist killer and Sayid from lost and a lady from wife swap. I will be sure to keep you posted on the others I see.

Second I would like to tell you about a simple question from a 5th grader that reminded me of something I forgot. I was at work the other day (which is a daycare if you didn’t know already) and I was talking to the school age kids for a minute cause I like to go visit them and a 5th grade boy came up to me and asked me what is Freedom Miss Meagan. For a minute a was really confused about what he was talking about, but them I remembered my shirt said ask me about what freedom is. I told him that it was about being set free in Christ and didn’t give it much thought until later that night. I realized that was my opportunity to share something with him that he might not have heard before. I had forgotten that there are people in the world that have not been church and don’t know about Jesus. I am sad to say that I didn’t revisit the subject later in the day or even the next day.

I am going to be praying constantly for another chance to share who Jesus is to me with this boy, because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he needs to be told.

last I realized that day that I need a reminder of what freedom is. so….freedom is knowing that God loves me at all moments, even when I don’t do that right thing. He loves me when I want to scream at someone and when I am so angry I can’t stand it. He gives me the right to be myself because His grace has made me beautiful in every way. It is so many other things, but right now that is what it is to me.

now I will continue the fight with my pillow and try to go to bed
<3

delete

Meagan Hawkins — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 04:17:41 +0000

There is something to liberating about deleting old emails. There were like 97 unread emails (part of the problem that I have with having a blackberry cause I never have to actually check my email. therefore never delete them) and I deleted 92 of them.

Part of my new years resolution is to let go. I wanna let go of all the things that have been holding me back for years or since last week. That girl that is no longer my friend, that boy who broke my heart four years ago, even that guy who cut me off yesterday. I have realized that it is not worth it. Being angry IS NOT worth it. It doesn’t make you feel any better and it doesn’t make the person who did that thing to you feel bad. If they don’t care enough to right their wrong them you can’t make them, and that is something I am learning. Sometimes you just have to let it go and move one.

Matthew 6:27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

No they cannot. So let it go my friend, let. it. go.

What day is today?

Meagan Hawkins — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 05:22:03 +0000

For the past two weeks I have been asking everyone every day what day is today? and they will tell me it is January 6, 2011. & then I have to explain to them that I know the date but I need them to tell me what day of the week it is. I have been so confused. haha.

I am pretty sure that the reason for this confusion is because I haven’t been sleeping. Like at all. I have been laying down, only to lay in the bed and think about all the things that I really want to accomplish this year. All the things I really want to change about myself and my life. It has gotten to the point where I have to count backwards very slowly from 100 to be able to clear my mind so I can fall asleep.

These things that I want to change are not bad, they are exciting. I am excited about the possibilities that God has placed before me. I just get worried that I am not going to be able to do them all.

but I was reminded about a simple truth tonight while writing my friend a encouraging note (a note that I am convinced was mostly for me)

Philippians 4:11-13 says “Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”

I have read that verse over and over and over, but I always seem to forget that I can literally make is through anything. & beyond that even if I don’t accomplish everything I want, I will still be happy.

Joy is a beautiful thing and I can’t be robbed of it!