Zhuangzi & the nature of life and death November 20, 2009

That is what I have had all my attention focused on for, oh about, 5 hours now. It is an essay for class; I am in non-western religions right now. We have learned about Buddhism, Daoism, Confucianism, Jainism, and about 7 other ism’s I have already forgotten about.

To be honest, it makes me uncomfortable to hear that there are thousands of different religions. While being in this class I have thought about my Jesus and how important he is to me and how much I love him, only to think how much a 20 year old across the ocean loves her Buddha or Confucius.

I was brought to church since I was a little girl, and Christianity is all I have ever known. I have never questioned another religion and whether or not mine was right. I have had my doubts at time, only to be brought back to my Father with immense understanding and love. I love Jesus. More than anything.

But for this particular blog, that is not the point. How do I go up to a Buddhist and tell her that the god that she serves is any less than the God I serve? I am not saying that the Buddha is god, I am saying how do I tell another person that Jesus is the way to eternal life. It would be like telling them the sky is green and the grass is blue.

I think going and bashing what they believe is not the way to show them Christ love. & that is what I see so much of in churches and around me.

All I know to do is show someone by my lifestyle the Jesus is the only answer. And be consistent. And if I fall, tell them that Jesus loves me enough to pick me up.

How do you make them get it?

my prayer November 12, 2009

God help me see you for who you really are. I love you. You are my best friend and my everything. My all in all. Without you I truly am nothing.

Thank you for the work you did last night in my best friend’s life. Thank you for giving me amazing friend who follow you and love you with all their hearts.

Take my frustration away. Take my loneliness away. I need to slow down and experience you!

Help me wake up each morning EXPECTING you to blow my mind and turn my life upside down.

Help me to depend on you and only you for everything. Be it big or small.

John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

Apart from you I can do nothing. Stay by my side. Pick me up, cause I know I will fall.

Things are going to try to steal the joy that you have placed in my heart, but I am not letting it happen!

Thank you for being the perfect father, lover, friend, provider, comforter, and everything else you are to me!

 

It’s raining and my shoes are soaked November 10, 2009

Well, today it has been raining. And of course, being in school…you walk everywhere….so yes, my shoes are soaked all the way through.

Last week was horrible. I was not happy. I felt like everything was crashing down around me. Then I went home for the weekend…and here is a short run down: Saturday- I have to get up at 6:00 to go babysit. I slept 4 hours, which is not ok with me. I need 6 to function at all & I typically get ridiculous amount cause what else is there to do in college except nap all the time? I drive the 45 minutes to the house and, needless to say, I am exhausted. Usually, the kids are still asleep when I get there, and I can take a nap until they wake up. Well, guess what? They were both awake when I got there. The actual babysitting part was not very bad…but their cats shed all over me, and the baby wouldn’t nap, and Noah was whiny…so I have had better. I finally get through babysitting at 6 and head back home to take my brother a birthday gift and do some other things. I went to go see my Poppie who fell down the steps and broke some bones and he looked not good and he was in a lot of pain. It really upset me. I drive the 45 minutes back to their house and as soon as I walk in the house I get terrified. You see I am the biggest chicken in the world. Everyone is already sleeping; it is closing in on 11:00, and the house looks just like the house from the ring (which I watched one week ago….seven days.) It just wasn’t a good combo. So I call my mommy and make her talk to me while I get ready for bed. The next morning Noah comes in my room at 6:00 crying for mommy, so my day started early and it was pretty much the same as the day before. Then I finally get back to school. & I had to write a paper. I got done around 1 and finally got to sleep.

So yesterday…I wake up. I am in a good mood. I tell myself I am going to have a good day. God has got this thing. Then I get to earth science, and my glasses completely fall apart and so do I. I start crying and basically having a Meagan moment.

The point is… I was not feeling better. I woke up with a positive attitude and I wanted to know what happened? Why was I still feeling bad and upset?

I went to my room later than day and just had some time to myself. I realized that just because I have a bad day, doesn’t mean that God loves me less…it just means I am having a bad day.

So today…it is raining and my toms are soaked all the way through…but you know what, I have a huge smile plastered to my face (:

Matthew 6: ^25-26“If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

Ready for the weekend October 30, 2009

This weekend some friends from school are coming home with me to celebrate my birthday (which was last week, but I have a costume party instead of a boring party)

I am super excited, but have also had all this stupid anxiety. I don’t want anything to go wrong; I just wanted it to work out perfectly (which it won’t). I always try to plan out everything in lists. Like my entire day sometimes will end up in list format. I just love to cross out the things that I have done. Well the “list” for tomorrow contains a picnic and climbing a mountain, but it is supposed to rain! So already I am having a mini panic attack.

That is just how I love my life sometimes. It is crazy I know. I can see God up there going, now Meagan if you would just chill out and let me handle this everything is going to be ok!

Matthew 6: 25-26″If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

Careless in the care of God. That is where I am going to be (:

I ALMOST had it! October 29, 2009

So, I am a college student. I go to UNCG. I love it. I guess every school has it perks and its downfalls. There are a few things that I really dislike about Greensboro, but the worst thing is the parking. Every parking spot is a good 10 minutes away from my dorm. Now 10 minutes isn’t really that bad, but it really can get old quickly. There are 5 golden spots on campus. They are literally right outside my dorm. Like there is the door and there are the spots. With that being said, do you really think those spots are ever open? No. not ever. Like I have parked there twice.

So today I was walking back from dinner with my friends, and lo and behold, THERE WAS A SPOT OPEN! What do you think I did? I positioned a friend to watch it and grab another to run to my car. So I walk extremely quickly to the car, and while walking faster than I usually do I run into a friend. Now this friend happened to be my best friend….haha. So this was not a girl I could just walk past without chit chatting about something. So I then remember that I am on a secret mission, and continue running to my car. I make it with no phone call from my friend watching the spot.

I drove as quickly as I can and see a car pull into the spot 25 seconds, literally, before arrive…..

I then started thinking if I just hadn’t stopped and talked to Ali, I would have had it!

So now, I am sitting in the library, “studying.” I started thinking about all the blessing I have to miss out on because I get distracted. I had my eye on that parking spot and nothing was going to stop me from getting it. But then Ali distracted me. What do I let distract me from God? Shouldn’t I be running to him with everything inside of me?

I don’t know where this is going to end up September 8, 2008

I don’t know the point of my blog at this precise moment….
BUT maybe It’ll have one by the end of it…

I really really really love to read. It is one of my very favorite things to do. I can sit down and just get lots in the story. Fictional, biography, whatever whatever….I like to wrap my mind around someone else’s life just for a moment.

I got to thinking and trying to figure out why I enjoyed being in someone else’s life so very much. & i figured that sometimes I get in the mind set that my life is at a standstill and it’s just so boring. & if I can just reach the next mark in my life I will be GREAT.

Then that moment comes and I am GREAT for about 10 minutes, and then I am waiting for that next big thing.

I realized that I cannot keep waiting on that next big thing…I have to life NOW. Live life to the fullest every moment.

Like Natalie Grant’s song say….
I’m gonna live for today
I’m gonna follow in your way
I’m gonna let my little light shine
Like there’s no tomorrow
I won’t worry about the past
I know my future is intact
So I’ll choose to live my life one way
I’m gonna live it for today

You told me not to worry
About what lies ahead
So I am gonna focus on today instead
Making every moment count and counting
Every single blessing
I’m gonna set my mind on the
Here and the Now
This is what I want my life to be about
And this is How…

weekend of amazing… September 2, 2008

This weekend was amazing….I went home Friday for overtime…which was and is a concert after the football games in my hometown….

But let me first tell you the funny story about my way home. I was ready to see ali, my mom, mark, chloe, and cole. you have no idea….I was late getting on the rode becausei couldn’t find my car at school and i got a little lost on the way to 85, so my nerves were pretty much all tore up already. I FINALLY dropped my room mate off (she lives in the city beside mine) and got back on the interstate. and not three minutes later got caught in traffic. At this point i was so overwhelmed and emotional I called Cole and sobbed on the phone with him because I was so ready to be home. So 30 minutes later i FINALLY got off on an exit i knew….drove like a bat out of hell to ali….and cried when I saw her because I had missed her so very very very much. then i went to see my mommy, mark, and chloe. I did not at all realize how much i missed them.

Focus’ praise band did the worship at overtime and amazing does not begin to describe. Cole sang a song that talked about being free, and I broke down. I learned Friday night that God can free you from anything if you let him. It was honestly a blessing to be there.

Then Saturday I went to eat with my grandparents and then me, ali, and cole came back to UNCG and had a sleepover with another one of our friends….and it was just honestly the most fun i have had in so long….

Sunday we went to a bookstore…and i found the best quote i have ever heard i think….

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly….

wow……It feels like the story of my life. There have been many times where i thought that i would never ever make it, and then i just did. one time stands out in my mind….and during that time i got to wrapped up in my cocoon that i thought i was going to never be happy again. I got lost and depressed, but then God showed me how to break free. & i became a butterfly. Now i get to show the world the intricate pattern of my wings…

decisions… August 29, 2008

99% of my life is devoted to pleasing other people. I like to talk to people about their problems and help them, I like to make people smile, I like to do everything everyone elses way and not my own.

That has really got to stop. I was talking to my darling mother today and I realized….it’s not my job to do what others tell me. All I need to do is pray about it and…”listen to my heart” (yes that is from the cheesy song) Cause if I do what other people tell me, I am never going to be happy. And who really wants that?

in philippians 4:13 it tells me that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. That is what my bible says. I can make the correct decisions….because I am praying over them and know what is best for me. & even if I don’t and things crash….then I can get through it. I don’t want to have to get through anything….but the thing is I can. Because I can do ALL things through Him.

I think that I just need to step back and take myself out of the situation and really pray about it (yes cliche and cheesy) and it will just all work itself out.

=]

love youuuuuuuuuu

the rain…. August 28, 2008

I started my very first college class on Monday morning….I got lost, i was late, and i cried…….

ummm then every other moment it has been raining…..not just a little, but torrential downpour. hahahaha.

so I was walking down college ave, (the main road at uncg) with my umbrella, getting soaking wet. like pants wets to knees, shoes and SOCKS soaked, arm wet, and pretty much everything…it was so funny. My family and i have this problem…we laugh at ridiculous moments…so the faulkner family gene set in and I begin laughing. Not kind of smickering, like full fledge horse laughing while walking down the street all alone. I called my mom to talk to her so i dont look so crazy, but I was still laughing.

at this moment i realize that I am the only one laughing and smiling….i was amazed at all the unhappy looks on everyone’s face. I wanted to tell everyone that it would be ok, just smile and you can make it.

One year ago, i would not have understood that. I would have been the one with the unhappy look on my face. but i learned something….i can be happy no matter what is going on

Phillipians 4:11-14  Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

that is my very favorite verse ever….

God has given me the “recipe” for being happy.